The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
