Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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