ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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