yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
