forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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