So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
