you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i think i just lost a toe
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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