honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
