Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am one with the molecules
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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