a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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