She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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