This is not my ceiling
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize