She went from zero to smokin in five shots
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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