Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he's gonorrhea incarnate
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
