when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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