Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
