she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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