dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
