She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
