I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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