You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
