Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She told me I should be a condom model.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have post one night stand depression
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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