Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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