All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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