if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we have pet lesbian snakes
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
