it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
