remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
