He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize