You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
People in love make me want to vomit
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
