I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
