Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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