names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
