If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize