I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
