in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
