People with herpes should wear stickers.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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