Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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