Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
