He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
