Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
