Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Randomize
