Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
