Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
