the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
