So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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