Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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