Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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