I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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