I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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