My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
nutella sex= disaster
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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