I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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