smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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