I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize