i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
