No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
