I hope mine doesn't look like that
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
