half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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