Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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