Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
