so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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