omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
