whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
