sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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