Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize