Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
