the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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