Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
sex in a hospital.. check
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
