dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
