I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
