sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
