i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
