the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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