We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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