It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
