Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
