she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
