Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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