she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
