SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
