Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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