you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So much Jack, so little girl.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize