Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
