that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
