Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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