so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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