Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize