Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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