i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
