YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
