Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
