I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize