next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
