just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
