i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
