??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
