So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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