Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Drake has all the answers
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
