Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize