he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
