my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize