You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
