I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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