I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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