there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
