If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
