I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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